Numb, hope and Mom

December 29, 2019

I have no idea as I’m writing this the last time I posted to my blog. A long time. I usually say—and will again life is good but God is way better. Still true in my mind, heart and life. 

But today I’m thinking of my Mom. On this day 4 years ago my Mom passed away. I was there. I can hear the sounds, smell the smells and taste the salty tears like it was yesterday. 

I see and hear of other people’s grief. And all I ever know to say is my heart hurts and that it is numbing. We are human after all and we die. Those that die...go on. At least I believe strongly in heaven and hell. Those that stay on this earth...go on somehow. Walking numbly through stuff that needs to get done. It kinda sucks. 

And then I go back to my beliefs and I do have hope. I do have hope in tomorrow, in God being right next to me—walking, talking—even carrying me sometimes. When I’m numb, maybe He isn’t carrying me but sometimes I break and then He carries me. 

So this week has been a bit tough...first Christmas on my own (no blood family here but friends that absolutely are family). I’ve been kind of numb I must admit. And today started like any Sunday—early church and then I broke. Not tears or really outward breaking. I just knew I was being carried. My faith in God did bring peace. He did carry me...out to a coffee shop, lots of work to do and time to reflect. Time to message and ‘chat’ with family/friends. It was good. I was okay with being carried today. I needed it. 

So Mom—4 years is kind of a long time. I miss you but life has moved on.  Dad is doing quite well—you’d be happy with that. I’m still numb sometimes but you set a great example in oh so many ways. I have hope, I have peace, life is good and you are right; God is waaaay better.  Love you. 

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