Saturday, June 14, 2014

Heart and home...

It is a Saturday morning (usually way too early for me) but here I am listening to the birds sing and contemplating my new surroundings.  Life as I know it, in my little world, looks a bit different.  I see bus stops, I hear and understand conversations taking place around me, I remember to take my own bags when I go shopping, I say Polish words as I'm going about my day, I dink out of my Polish pottery mug, I miss different people here, I miss Poland.

So how or where do we call home?  The saying 'home is where the heart is' means something different now. IMy heart is kind of broken.  I loved, relished and treasured each moment since I left Sacramento on November 20th.  Now I am loving, relishing and treasuring each moment of being back here.  I'm sure I will relish and treasure my time in Tennesee, Oregon, Idaho, Illinois and Michigan over the summer..  So where is my home?  I know it is not lumber and wallboard structures; I had a house...but that is gone and I don't regret that.  But I am wandering a bit.

Saying 'see you later' in Poland and Hungary was difficult.  I'm not real comfortable or smooth at saying good-bye anyway but I would do okay and then something would trigger and I would burst into tears.  Like sitting on the train from Poznan to Krakow - looking out the window thinking of the amazing people and enjoying the country speeding by my eyes.  Like standing at a bus stop in Krakow after I did my 'last' errand of closing out my accounts at various places.  Like walking the hall in the Budapest airport towards my gate.  And actually - those were precious times because I would be thinking of a person or people...and I do enjoy memories.

I lived 18 of my yeats in Oregon, 4 years between Seattle, and Portland, 27 years in Sacramento, 6 1/2 months in Poland. so I have left part of my heart in other places throughout my life as well...but our heart does not regenerate.  So part of my heart will always be in Poland and Hungary.  I plan on going back, just not sure what that looks like or when that may be as of right now.  Hungary for family, Josh graduates next June....Poland for a new family that became very dear over the past months.  Amazing how quickly heart bonds can form!

I am thankful for the last 6 1/2 months - thank you for your prayers, support, encouragement and for reading this and even telling me that you read this!  That is always a pleasant surprise when somebody tells me they read my blog like the other night at dinner with friends - it is humbling.  In reality, the whole time was a very humbling experience.  I learned lots, I loved lots, I think I worked lots....all very good things.  Life is very, very, very good.  And I truly trust that I live and convey that God is waaaaaaay better...my heart may be broken a bit, but it does overflow - maybe being broken makes it overflow even quicker which is okay with me:).

Much love to all of you - whereever you may be.
Carol

ps...for those in the Sacramento area - I will be sharing/presenting my experiences on Sunday, June 29th at 10:00 - Fremont Presbyterian Church..  Feel free to come - I would love to see your wonderful faces!